This is 40…
I haven’t written on this site for a while. I kind of let it go for a job opportunity and to pursue my private practice with a different focus. I love my work. I truly love my work as a coach. Where I struggle, is in loving my life. I’ve decided to write this blog for me. It’s my online journal. I’m using this blog to write about my life and as an experiment to challenge myself to focus on living a GREAT life every day. Most days I do… Recently I’ve found it harder and harder. It won’t be pretty. I’m not a writer. But I need to write. Your invited to follow along. I hope to find some people to relate…
I recently turned 40. I’m not happy about it. This can’t be what my life has turned into. My life looks good… I should be happy. I’ve never been in such good a shape. I have an amazing job and I love my clients and co-workers. I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself. Something is missing.
I’m grateful for my life. My health, my family…. my job. I could write a long list. I’m missing connection. I’m missing a deep loving connection. Maybe I’m missing the ability to connect. I’ve never been one to have lots of friends. I don’t date a lot. I’ve always been a bit socially awkward. I’m not great at relaxing and having fun. There are so many areas of my life that are great… but some, I guess, I’ve not been willing to take the time to look at.
Lets test my GREAT life theory.
I’m grateful for my life. I’m grateful for my family and friends. I’m grateful for my job. I’m grateful for mentors, sponsors, teachers… I’m grateful for finding my passion and earning a living doing it.
* It’s not enough. I live in this negative thought. No matter how great things are, it’s never enough. This is not true. I have a roof over my head. A car that runs. A great wardrobe. A savings account. I’m in great shape. I’m charming. I have all I need to be successful, happy… I have all I need to get what I want. I have all I needs to not be in want. I’m lying to myself when I think what I have is not enough. In this moment I’m living an abundant and beautiful life. I am enough.
* I’m lonely. This is true in moments where I feel some old, familiar pain. I’m lonely… in this moment. But I’m not alone. I have people in this world who love me. I am loved by my family and a few friends. I love others. People are there for me, and I’m there for them. I am surrounded by people who love me, and I love them.
* I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of falling for someone who doesn’t feel the same about me…again. I’m afraid. This is true. But it’s not permanent. Rejection is a passing part of life. We all experience it… those who haven’t never allowed themselves the gift of vulnerability. I’m blessed to have the courage to be vulnerable. I risk rejection for the fruit of beautiful relationships and experience.
* I’m afraid this is how it will always be… This is not true. Life is moving and I’m afraid to move with it or move ahead of it… IT WON’T ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS. I can create the change I want to see, in my life, in the world.
One year from now I will be in a new home, God willing, with a woman I love. I will be settled into a career that I love. I’ll have hobbies that I enjoy doing with friends I love being around. I will be in the best shape of my life. I will have deep, loving relationships with friends and family.
Today, I will commit to posting this article. I will spend some time with a new good friend. I will do shopping and do a little retail therapy. I will chose gratitude and faith.
I’m thankful for some time to sit and write. I’m thankful that I can look back on this site and remind myself I’m an inspiring guy… even if it’s only inspiring me. I’m thankful to have a friend to sit with and get work done with.
I feel much better… Sometimes you just have to sit and work through it… Time to get to work.