“One already wet does not feel the rain.” Turkish Proverb
I prepare these blogs the day before I post them. It gives me an opportunity to be mindful of how I go about my day. Perhaps the greatest gift of being able to write this blog is the daily practice of mindfulness of what it means to live a GREAT LIFE. Today, I shared my story at a 12 step meeting. Before walking into the building I sat in my car a little resentful and feeling like a failure. I’m a little stressed about work opportunities that have dried up… and for a moment wanted to blame my addiction and having to “waste” my time in meetings for my worry. When I walked into the meeting hall I didn’t recognize anyone. I smiled at people but I felt disconnected and a little ashamed. Not a minute after and the meeting secretary walked in and she was a friend. She said she was happy to see me and excited to hear my story. In that moment I knew I wasn’t alone. When the meeting began I was overwhelmed with a feeling of joy that caused my body to tingle.
I can’t describe how good it makes me feel to connect to the story of who I was and embrace who I’ve become. I’m not perfect. I’m happy… when I choose to be. I may stress out about the day to day responsibilities we all have but that’s no reason to not be happy. Business is slow and finances are tight, but there’s more to life. My work is not who I am, my things are not who I am, the people I choose to spend my time with are not who I am. I am happy. I am blessed. I am mindful of my GREAT LIFE. I am not perfect and have no desire to be.
So I shared my story today. The short version is, I was once a worthless, unlovable, waste of space and I wanted to not feel my hurt and shame and often I hoped I’d die… today, I am blessed, I am happy, and I live a GREAT LIFE in service to others. What else can you say to inspire a bunch of addict? It is the story I’ve heard hundreds of people tell over the years; it is the story that saved my life. I hope my story serves to inspire you to commit your life to one of happiness and service. What more is there to say? I’m not perfect. Sometimes I feel like a fraud, a failure… Maybe that’s true. Maybe I’ll never be good enough… for someone else’s standards.
The best I can do is be vulnerable, honest, and open. There is no better feeling than the complete absence of shame that open honesty gives me. Honesty and vulnerability clear the path for mindfulness. In openly speaking my truth, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all I’ve become. I know that, while at times I might feel like a failure, I am always as happy as I choose to be. Today, after sharing my story, I am reminded that I am already wet, I may feel the rain but that’s no reason not to dance.