Fuck it

Finding MY Voice

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby

Its been a couple months at writing this blog, and while my site statistics are a little flat, I accept that this is all part of the process.  Since there are so few readers of my blog, I thought I’d share very open and honest about my process so far.  I’d have to say that my most difficult struggle so far is in finding my voice.

I’m beginning to realize that I speak from three very different voices.   There is the image of Albert that I want you to see who is “normal.”  There is Dr. Albert, the expert and passionate professional.  The most open, honest, and vulnerable of the three is the Albert who struggles with the same worries and problems that we all have.  No one voice is better than the other and they all have a place in communicating my philosophy of the GREAT LIFE.  The struggle I experience in my writing comes from the fear of not being good enough.  This fear causes me to be who I think you want me to be.  The ultimate sign of people pleasing and the key to failure. 

How do I need to be so that you like me?  It’s a question we all ask…  I think we all know the more important question is, How do I need to be so that I like me?  I don’t like myself when I’m not me.  I don’t like having to pretend to fit in.  The number one reason I love owning my own business is getting the opportunity to work with people I like and with people who like me.  When I worked in a traditional corporate setting, I didn’t always like myself.  I loved my work and loved the people I worked with, but the corporate culture created social “norms” that didn’t feel normal.  I went to work and tried to behave in a way that made me fit in to the culture and realized working in a traditional corporate environment wasn’t for me.  Leaving was an expression of my voice.   

So here I am, trying to find my voice, again.  Am I saying what I think you want to hear so you like me?  Or am I being open and honest with you because I like me?  Day to day it changes.  As I grow, I’m dealing with the pains of uncertainty.  Who am I as I continue to grow?  Who will I meet?  Who or what will I have to let go of?  Will I like the person I become?  Sometime, I don’t like who I’m becoming.  I feel a loss of control.  Albert Einstein said “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”  In my case everything is new and I’m afraid of making mistakes and often do.  I don’t like it… I’m afraid, you might not like me if I were not perfect. But I realize, I’m not perfect but neither are you.

We are not not perfect.  I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone who was.  I’ve known lots of people who present an image of success that is pretty perfect.  I’ve learned through my work with some of them that they are not.  I’ve had incredibly successful people come to me and let me tell you, things aren’t always what they seem.  Some of the most successful people don’t have the luxury of being themselves because the’re too busy managing the way others see them.  I know that is not the life I want.  Yet fear of not being good enough for the life I want causes me to lose my voice and speak from a voice and perspective that I hope will gain your approval.  I can’t… I’m sorry. So fuck it.

Here are the steps I followed to find and express my voice.  I hope you follow them and find freedom in learning to speak from your most authentic self. 3/4 steps to finding my voice:

1. Choose it.  It’s either this life that I love for me, or I choose a life I don’t want for you.  I can’t make you happy if I’m not happy.  So I’ve chosen to follow my bliss and find my voice and share it with those who care.

2. Own it.  This is my LIFE.  This is my purpose.  The GREAT LIFE is not for everyone… Those who want you to live their way of life, probably aren’t living their own.  You define your GREAT LIFE and it’s all yours. Own your GREAT LIFE with pride.

3. Nurture it.  Your voice will evolve.  Challenging old beliefs, opinions, thoughts, may leave you rethink your own position.  Be flexible and open.  Identify when you are holding onto an old belief and question whether YOU actually believe what you believe.

4. Fuck it.  Fuck it because I don’t want to use this word because I don’t like the word but sometimes I need to say it.  Fuck it.  Because those of you who are offended by the word don’t need to be here; because FUCK is a feeling you will have if you pursue the GREAT LIFE, because it’s not easy and you will struggle.  You will make mistakes, you will be disappointed, you will feel scared, you will want to turn back and settle… Fuck it.  I’ve come this far, and there is no turning back.  The GREAT LIFE is my life and I want to live it, learn to accept it, and enjoy it.  I hope you do the same.

Sending you all lots of love and wish you a long and blessed GREAT LIFE.